Lack of Godly Men

I have been reading/following two very good threads on HomeschoolAlumni.org: Continued from the Reunion: Questions for Guys and Early Marriage. Both have brought up excellent points. Early Marriage I encourage all to read, especially Marlana’s posts. However, it is the first of these two topics that I have been thinking a lot about today. First of all, some random thoughts:

Maybe more young women are willing to admit to being “Christian young ladies” than young men are willing to admit to being “Christian young men”. I don’t know why, but women might have an easier time with it because it gives them a passive-aggressive position often and men feel it’s weak to admit so.

Maybe these “Christian young ladies” aren’t as godly as they thought.

Maybe they should stop making men their goal and start seeking Christ. At the end of the day, guess Who’s there? Maybe God needs to teach them to be single before He teaches them to be married, and maybe God doesn’t intend them to be married. Because not everyone is intended to be so.

Now to an actual question and explanation:

Who defines godly? Does it matter what each individual imagines godly to be?

Ultimately, God defines godly, because without Him, we’d all have to strive to be “ly”. That much is obvious, I hope. And I believe it truly does not matter what I think or what you think godly means. By whose standards are we measured? Should we ever have extrabiblical standards? Do they help or do they hinder? I find they often hinder. People will say, “You have an ‘holier-than-thou’ attitude” and why? Because you feel you have license to determine the heart of God and His standards. He lays it out in the Bible so there is no reason to read into small passages standards that aren’t there.

(Please note that I have nothing against personal standards and convictions. But don’t pretend to get them from the Bible. It’s just a manipulation tool. )

Now, what are some passages that describe godliness? What does it mean to be godly? How do we know the godly man from the ungodly?

When you go back to the Greek (I am using Strong’s), the Greek word for ‘godliness’ as used in I Timothy 2:2 means something close to ‘holiness, piety’. The word used in I Timothy 2:10 is  ‘devoutness’ and is derived from a word meaning ‘reverent of God, worshiper of God’. Psalm 4:3 says the godly man is set aside for the Lord. The Hebrew word for ‘godly’ is ‘good, holy (one), merciful, saint’. (Read the whole psalm for a depiction of the godly man.) Psalm 32:6 also gives a small picture of one. (Read in context.) II Corinthians 7:9-11, II Corinthians 11:2, I Timothy 6:11-12 seem to me to be descriptions of what it means to be godly. See also II Peter 1:3,5-7, II Timothy 3:12, and Titus 2:12-15.

Perhaps our lack of godly men is found in a misinterpretation of godliness. Just a thought worth pondering…

Response to “You’re Not the Boss of Me”

This blog post by Michelle Zink, author of Prophecy of the Sisters, was tweeted by a book reviewing friend of mine (if you read this, you know who you are ). (WARNING: There is strong language both in the post and comments. You’ve been fairly warned. And I’m starting to feel like a heathen since the recent links I’ve posted I’ve had to warn you about strong language. ) When I first read it, I couldn’t say that I agreed, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I disagreed with either. So I thought it through for a few days and decided to make a blog post on it. So, without further ado, a response to “You’re Not the Boss of Me”. (Yes, I edited the blog post when c&p’d it. )

“What would you do if a friend’s parent told you not to read a specific book?”

This was the question posed by Ellen Hopkins to a table of teenagers at the 2009 Anderson’s YA Conference.

And yeah. I know that was back in September. But the thing is, the issue of “appropriate” content keeps coming up as it relates to Ellen’s work. Some school districts and libraries are canceling her scheduled visits because certain groups of parent’s don’t want their kids to be privy to the subject matter of Ellen’s books.

This occurred back in September in Norman, OK. and more recently in Leroy, NY. In the case of Norman, Ellen had what I thought was a reasonable suggestion in response to one parent’s concern; allow the kids and their parents to opt out of the presentation if they so chose. But that wasn’t good enough, this parent replied.

“I don’t want ANY of the kids to hear Ellen speak.”

Okay, I’m sorry, but if I’m an atheist and I want my kids to go to an atheist conference, I should be allowed to. And if I’m a Christian (which I am, incidentally) I want to be allowed to send my kids to a Christian conference. Freedom of religion, freedom of speech is what this country is noted for. No one is forcing any of these kids to go to this conference. If these kids are hiding the content of these books from their parents, there’s far more to the story than keeping kids from hearing language or learning about certain topics. If they can’t be open with their parents about this stuff, the relationship needs repairing and that’s not going to happen by stricter rules about what kids, especially teenagers, are reading.

I’m sorry, but WT*? I’m not saying each parent doesn’t have a right to choose for THEIR child. I’m saying I have a problem with someone ELSE’S parent choosing for my child. And while there are those who think it makes sense, i.e. “We don’t want our kids exposed to the realities of the world until later,” (more on that further down), what if it were a group of parents forcing you to listen a presentation on White Supremacy? Holocaust denial?

Well, that’s crazy talk, right? Who would advocate that? Who would APPROVE of it?

But the principle’s the same; one or two parents (or even a group! he**, who cares how many?) deciding what YOU, as a teenager, can read. Now you’re OWN parent obviously has some rights there, but that’s a whole other situation, isn’t it?

Would you let your friend’s parent tell you how to dress? How to speak? How to write your name? How to wear your hair?

Knowing the teenagers I know, I think not.

How is this any different? And this isn’t a rhetorical question here. Everyone who knows me knows that I LOVE teenagers. I adore your enthusiasm and passion for life and belief that anything is possible, and I learn from you guys every day. So, I’m really asking; How is allowing someone else’s parent to tell you what to read or listen to any different than allowing them to make other decisions on your behalf?

And if it’s not, why aren’t more parents – and teens, because you guys have a responsibility here, too, right? – speaking out against this kind of censorship?

Seriously, what I’d like to know is if these same teenagers have a problem with peers telling them what to read/what not to read, what to listen to/wear, etc. Some do, I’m sure. The stubborn ones with no friends. But everyone knows that teens often listen to their friends’ opinions. When my best friend tells me I have to read a book, I will. If the same friend tells me not to read a book because it’s really, truly not worth my time, I’ll listen to her. And I’m fairly certain it’s the same way for most others too. We take peer reviews into high consideration. But if a parent says it, by all means, rebellion is normal and acceptable. That’s part of my problem with this.

Let’s put aside the fact that Ellen is the sincerest, hardest-working advocate for teens that I know. Let’s put aside the fact that she works tirelessly to get the word out to young people about the decisions they make now that can affect the rest of their lives.

In books like Crank, Glass, Impulse, and Tricks, Ellen writes about controversial subjects. Depression. Suicide. Drug abuse. Teen prostitution. I get that this makes some people uncomfortable. But do they think by ignoring it, you guys won’t be exposed to it? Are we REALLY at a place where we’re going to blackball a book (as one reviewer did after admitted to “skimming” Ellen’s book – I guess we’re past the days of actually reading a book before reviewing it) because of how many times it uses the word “f***”?

Seriously?

Have these people ever ridden a middle- or high-school bus? Do they think you haven’t heard the word “f***” – DON’T hear the word “f***” on a daily basis? It’s just a word people. Don’t give it more power than it really has.

What gets a movie the R rating again? How many times the f-bomb is dropped. Just because “everyone uses it” doesn’t mean that it’s really a commendable thing to do. If it were my way, which it’s not, using the f-word would be something only very crass, very bad people did. I know that’s an old-fashioned, idealist way to think, but I’m sorry, using a cuss word in every single sentence isn’t a very good way to sound intelligent. Instead, it kind of proves you have no imagination. Can’t think of a better word than that? Seriously, you’re not any more original than the next average kid.

Or I guess maybe these same parents think these things only happen to “some” families. You know the ones – the one’s with… “issues”. Riiiiight. News flash! EVERYONE has problems. Even those of us who strive to be perfect parents, who put the needs of our children above all else, who are paying attention and talking to our kids about everything under the sun, well… guess what? We have problems, too. Our kids struggle and make bad decisions and make HUGE mistakes, too. They need to hear about this stuff as much as anybody else.

Very true. I agree.

And doesn’t it matter that we have writers like Ellen who are speaking your language? That BECAUSE she’s speaking your language, you can more easily relate to the important, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching decisions teens face today? That because she’s speaking your language you feel like you’re hearing it from someone who KNOWS, not someone who’s just read about it in the newspaper and wants to feed you a campaign slogan like “Just Say No”? Doesn’t it matter that having writers like Ellen speak to you EARLY might save some of you from catastrophic decisions that will impact the rest of your life? And that Ellen does in it such a way that it stays with you, so that maybe, just maybe, when you’re at a party and someone offers your drugs, you WILL say no.

Not because you’re SUPPOSED to “Just Say No”, but because you have had a real and terrifying glimpse into the implications of saying “yes”?

Doesn’t it matter that Ellen can make you feel HOPE, so that the next time you feel full of despair, you might just remember that tomorrow is always a new day? That there’s ALWAYS a second chance for happiness?

These are the things that – as a parent and a writer and human being – weigh heavily on my mind. There are teens out there RIGHT NOW who can be saved by hearing Ellen’s message. They might be sitting next to you in Biology or English or Algebra. And you know what? Some of them aren’t going to get that message because someone ELSE’S parent says they shouldn’t have it.

You know what I think? I think it’s bulls***. And if it’s one thing I’m 100% sure of, it’s that no one can affect change like the young.

So what about you? What do you think? And what are you going to do about it when the opportunity arises?

My solution? You can write about the issues of the youth, without spelling out every little detail. How easy is it to say “Bob swore loudly” rather than “‘Bleep bleep blip bloop!’ shouted Bob”? If a character gets pregnant out of wedlock, most teenagers connect the dots. They don’t need to read erotic scenes to get there. I have fewer problems with alcoholism and drugs, but the details of those aren’t really necessary either. “Why take them out?” this blog post asks, “Why put them in?” is what I’d like to reply. You argue they’re okay to put in because teens hear them everyday, I argue that it’s okay to take them out because they hear them everyday. It’s not like they need the education on the f-word.

I agree, teenagers do need to see how these things destroy their lives. But you can read about the effects without all the trash too.

I’m currently working on a novel/novelette about teenagers and these issues. The blog post inspired me. Teens need something to read that they can identify with without all the gritty, unnecessary details.

Testing…

My mom is thinking about switching her food blog over to wordpress, so I’m doing some photo-uploading tests to see if it’s simple enough for her to use.

Also, as a sidenote, I have to edit my last blog post, but since it’s been so long, I think I’ll just make a Part-Two blog post.

*gasp* Can you guess what we are making here? I’ll give you a hint: it’s yummy.

http://thehobbitskitchen.blogspot.com

The I’s Have It: A brief look at self-denial and identity.

“I” is one of those interesting homonyms. “The ayes have it” is probably the most common use, which is used in parliamentary procedures. “The eyes have it”, I’m not sure how commonly this is used, but it’s fun to think about — especially if you love eyes. “The I’s have it”, however, is not one heard very often at all. While amusing myself with this homonym, I ran across this one. Immediately selfishness popped into my head, but essays on selfishness are difficult to write — mostly because it is written on so much. So rather than write a boring essay, I decided to write a delightfully interesting, fascinating essay. (This is why I don’t write on selfishness. )

Self-denial is a practice that is becoming more and more common in the fundamental Christian and patriarchal worlds. Once upon a time, I could think about it in a positive light. That has become jaded lately, but I’ll try to explain both sides as clearly as possible.

By self-denial, we mean something deeper than the usual meaning, “denying yourself things you want.” Rather, we mean “denying that you have a ’self.’” 1 Corinthians 6:19,20 tells us what we do not belong to ourselves, but have been bought with a price. Matthew 10:39 says, “He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.” We often hear people talking about “being true to yourself,” “finding yourself,” saying things like “That’s just not ‘me,’” “I need to follow my heart,” or “I’m special because I’m me.”

The natural “us” deserves to spend eternity in Hell. Being true to our natural selves and “following our hearts,” which “are deceitful above all things and desperately wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9), condemns us to spiritual death. We have no “selves” that are worth being loyal to.

So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin, pp. 77-78

To keep this in context, this is in the chapter “Daughters, Fathers, and Virtuous Womanhood”, under the section titled, “How can I be more worthy of my father’s protection?” I’m still not sure how self-denial makes one so, because I find trampled, beaten people to be very unattractive. They have no sense of worth.

Anyway, I’d like to refute the phrase “Rather, we mean “denying that you have a ’self’”" with Psalm 139:13-16.

13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. 15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

God knows what He’s doing when He creates us in our mother’s wombs. He instills personalities and a self. We are not robots. We are not clones. We are individuals. We are created different and unique. If you do not have a self, you do not have much. You are nothing more than a body. A self is what gives us personalities. Wikipedia has a fairly simple, basic overview of “self” here. Some aspects of your self can be wicked and of the ‘natural man’ (Vices and Harmful traits and practices), other aspects are obviously healthy and normal. Some are Godly.

The mindset I’m afraid this is instilling in girls during a critical stage of self-esteem (that’s another topic, one that I will likely touch on soon) is “You did not make me uniquely. I am just like everyone else. I am wicked. I reject who I am. Instead I am going to be a clone of another’s ideals.” Some girls are naturally gentle and gracious; they need to be taught how to defend themselves and not be trampled on. Other girls are naturally aggressive and sharp-tongued; they need to be taught how to be gentle, feminine and gracious. They all have personalities that need to be treasured. Some “traits and practices” aren’t Godly; these are the traits we learn to use appropriately or not at all. We do not remove the entire personality. A sin nature is not a self. Removing self is removing all that is lovely and wonderful about a person. It leaves an empty robot or clone, one who smiles because she has to, one who is gentle and gracious because she’ll be attacked if she isn’t, one who works herself to death because it is Godly. She denies herself until she has nothing left to give. Until you take care of yourself, you will never be able to take care of others. This is why it’s so important to have your own life right with God before you go to someone else for their sin.

The second paragraph in the quote from So Much More starts with “The natural “us” deserves to spend eternity in Hell”. Why are these young women so stuck on our natural selves? Have they not felt the transformation of Christ in their lives? Have they not been affected by His love and forgiveness? Can they only feel His judgment? They seem to find such joy in denying that Christ transforms lives and makes them beautiful though broken. May I point your attention to 2 Corinthians 5:17?

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not about to argue with that. Personally, that passage makes me cry. It tells me that God is willing to erase all of the baggage in my life and create a new creature. One that is in Christ, one that is lovely and loved. Most of all, one that is redeemed, reconciled, forgiven. I am no longer the enemy of the God of the Universe. I once was His enemy. He could crash the world around me, if He pleased. Yet, He’s holding out for me. Waiting, just waiting, for me to run to Him. To repent of my sins and allow Him to create in me a heart that’s clean (Psalm 51:10). It is my self that chooses this. And it is my self that God created and adores. He delights in me and I in He.

There. Now I feel totally and completely loved and lovely. It is my hope, my prayer that everyone comes to realize this. Their self is not evil. Their sin nature is. They do not deserve to be in God’s presence because of this sin. Yet He welcomes them with open arms. If they will run to Him with repentant and worshiping hearts, He will heal them, make them both loved and lovely. Because, as you must know, a loved person is a lovely person.

Now, on the other hand, self-denial can be good. For example, I deny myself the pleasure of being looked at because I love my brothers more than myself. So, I guess my description would be something like “denying yourself sinful pleasures”. I can deny myself overeating because it is a lust for food. (How appropriate considering tomorrow. ) This is the good self-denial. Pretty obvious one too.

As an interesting sidenote, the idea of “no self” is a Buddhist concept called Anatta. I encourage you to look it up. I find it a little odd that the Botkin sisters landed on this same idea as the Buddhists did. I certainly hope it wasn’t intentional.

Looking forward to hearing your opinions.

The Need for Education

Education is vital in our world. I doubt anyone would disagree with this sentence. Perhaps, however, they would disagree with my conclusions. This morning I read an article from Kathryn Joyce, called All God’s Children (WARNING: There is strong language in the linked article. If you read it and are offended, I claim no responsibility. ). It saddens me deeply to hear that the Quiverfull movement has hurt so many women, but most of all it saddens me to learn that because of man’s teaching, these women are turning their backs on God. This is why education is so important.

 

Without education, we will be deceived. I seek to educate myself, both with book-knowledge and experience. Without either, I cannot make an appropriate decision. This does not go to say that I am willing to commit fornication, murder, etc. to have the experience to make an educated decision. I would never propose that, nor would I advocate it. However, I do listen occasionally to music styles I don’t like to know what my peers are filling their heads with. I read popular novels for the same purpose and watch popular movies. (I do avoid the ones that are openly pornographic in nature or use strong language often.) On the other hand, I listen to the popular music of Christian culture. I read their books and watch their movies. Because of this, I can associate with both sides and determine which road — if any of them — is the most Biblical and edifying for me to take.

 

Lately, I have been studying the Quiverfull movement in particular. (If you know me even a little, I tend to follow the patriarchy movement rather closely.) It seems that most of the people who break away from this culture made an uneducated decision to follow the movement. I do not blame this on them. Most are new Christians who are searching for some form of rules. More mature Christians will realize that no rules apply to Christians. Christ fulfilled the Law, therefore, even if we do or can follow it, it counts for nothing in our justification.  It does count in our sanctification. These are two concepts that must be explained fully to all new Christians, before they can begin the “checklist of Christianity”. Before they understand they need to abstain from certain activities, they need to understand that they cannot be saved by these works, rather the effect of their salvation is their works.

 

Anyway, another article that has been drawn to my attention is Daddy’s Girl by Sarah Schlissel. This basically shows the opposite side of All God’s Children. While Daddy’s Girl portrays a girl living happily in the patriarchal movement, All God’s Children shows the unhappiness the movement created for women.

 

For the record, I do not take sides here. Neither camp appeals to me. I have a very strong faith in God, as I hope you’ve been able to tell. I firmly believe in the rules God has laid down for me, I desire to follow them every day of my life. However, I do not believe God requires me to be a stay-at-home daughter. Nor do I feel that the highest calling for my life is to be a wife and mother. If that is what I become, then of course that is my highest calling. But if I remain single my entire life, then God must obviously be punishing me for withholding this highest calling. Or is it that I’ve not given enough of myself? If this is not also expected of men, then we are presented with a large problem: There are more women than men on this planet. Unless you advocate polygamy, not all women will be wives and mothers. And why would God have a highest calling and then not inform His people through His Word? I have seen very little Scripture to back up this belief of every girl’s calling. The passage commonly used, Titus 2:4-5, is speaking about teaching the young women who are already married. It wouldn’t line up to say that he was wanting all girls to be married by writing this, because the apostle Paul advocates singleness.

 

I cannot accept the fact that God has a perfect formula for me that applies to every other girl under the sun. I can accept that His formula for me is as simple as believing in Christ and following Him. I also accept that He has a plan for my life. I believe in a God Who has no limits. He doesn’t fit in any boxes. He has an amazing imagination and sense of uniqueness. I am His Beloved and He does not have the same plan for me that He has for my mother or for my sister or for my best friends. He has placed me uniquely in a position to learn from a chiropractor and to learn office and people skills. This also puts me in the position to learn from our patients. I have been able to create friendships. I have discussed the Bible and Christianity with the old men. I have discussed hunting and the beauty of nature with the middle-aged men. I have discussed common interests with the young men. I have held conversations about homemaking with old women. I have talked to the middle-aged women about the blessing of life and motherhood. I have learned where the young women are going in their lives. This all equips me to fulfill my calling of reaching out to America’s youth, to America’s broken and bleeding.

 

This has not turned me into a feministic monster. I still desire to marry someday and have children. I know my unique role of submission in a marriage. I also know that God has not lead me into this position yet. He still wants me to be in the chiropractor’s office.

 

Can I know the mind of God? No. Does He know my mind? Yes. Does He desire me to blindly latch onto a man who preaches His Word and follow him? No. Does He long for me to follow His own plans as He plans my steps? Yes. Can He use a man who preaches His Word? Yes. Will this man shame me for following where Christ has lead me? No.

 

I do not understand how we can read of Lydia’s and Deborah’s and Ruth’s stories, say they were great women and God used them, yet try to cram ourselves all in the same box. You will notice that God uses no one in the Bible in the same way twice. He still does that. He will use all of us differently.

 

We need education. A good education will free us from the deception of men’s teaching. This is not a blanket statement concerning the QF or patriarchy movements; I do not consider either to be deceptive teachings. Well-educated individuals are able to belong to these movements safely and Biblically. Yet, the uneducated are hurt everyday by them.

 

Educate yourselves. The only true education can come from the Bible and the freeing knowledge of Christ’s love, imagination and forgiveness. Admit you are the worst of sinners; then you may admit that Christ loves the worst of sinners. You must know this with your heart. Then your true education can begin.

I Am Convinced…

(By the way, this is nothing like I Am Legend. Keep reading. )

…That nothing can ever prepare me for marriage. Except good people skills and a strong relationship with the Lord.

…That bulldog evangelism is wrong and is not Biblical.

…That we teach salvation wrong.

…That the persecution we suffer for our arrogant ways of teaching salvation is not the persecution the Bible speaks of.

…That I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

…That my ways are not His ways. (Isaiah 55:8)

…That I am the worst of sinners, and because of that Christ died for my sins and offered me eternal life in Heaven freely.

…That I have accepted Christ’s love and forgiveness and because of that, I have eternal life in Heaven at His side.

…That because I have accepted His gift, my life must be transformed. (Romans 12:2)

…That no one’s interpretation of the Scripture can change my relationship with my Lord and Savior.

…That no one’s convictions can keep me from serving Him in all that I do and say, whether they line up with supposed guidelines or not.

…That neither height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall separate me from the love of Christ. (Romans 8:39)

To be continued…

Assorted Thoughts and Quotes

“Because she wants to feel rescued, Thomas. And she wants to feel chosen. As much as you are desperate to be chosen. We all are. Elyon chooses us. He rescues us and protects us and woos us and, yes, lavishes love on us. This is the Great Romance. And this is how you will win Rachelle’s heart.”

This quote from Ted Dekker’s Black is an incredible and wonderful reminder of how God treats us. The allegorical quality of The Circle Trilogy has been nothing short of amazing to and for me. Maybe it’s only because of my age and immaturity at this point, but the idea of physically dying at the point of salvation instead of metaphorically made a great impact on me. There are many other points in the trilogy in which I cried because of the allegory.

———-

What is church to you? A building? Your home church building? Do you go to church every Sunday morning, night, and Wednesday evening? I’m sure you know what I’m getting at. However, I like reminding myself (and others — share the wealth, you know ) that we only meet as a church in a building. We go to a building to have church. We don’t go to church. The body of Christ (comprised of all believers, regardless of denomination) is the church (Colossians 1:24). If you belong to a family which are all believers, you are “at church” as long as you are with one. This is why I’d really like to change our terminology. We should no longer have “Such-and-such Church”, rather find a word which better suits a meeting-place for a church gathering.  Instead of calling it “Wednesday night Bible study”, “Wednesday night church-gathering”. Do you see my point? If more people realized we are the church, less people would consider “going to church” making them a good person.

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It is probably impossible to love a human being simply ‘too much.’ We may love him too much in proportion to our love for God; but it is the smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man, that constitutes the inordinacy.

From The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis, I learned a lot about human nature and how natural and how beautiful love is. It really set me at ease to love somebody until it hurt. It encouraged me to reach out to people I hardly knew and love them. Since reading this gem of a book, I have been known to break down and cry (in the privacy of my home) out of concern for dear friends. I have cried with hurting friends as they struggle through tough times. I have been able to bare my heart and feel raw love for people. This may sound like a romanticization of a teenage girl’s imagination, but it’s true. And I’m here to tell you today that it’s not easy. I don’t want to love certain people. I will be ridiculed and misunderstood for loving certain people. It’s near impossible some days to love a particular person. But by the grace of God, I am learning. Nothing but His love can fuel my love.

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Reader, you must know that an interesting fate (sometimes involving rats, sometimes not) awaits almost everyone, mouse or man, who does not conform.

Conforming is not a theology often taught in the circles I run in. The opposite is usually the topic of conversation. I have made many proud in the ways that I have not conformed and made some very angry with the ways I have conformed. Romans 12:2 tells us not to conform to this world. Does this mean reject everything about the world? Reject brand-name clothing? Reject anything not recorded under a Christian label? I would argue, no, of course not. The ideology of being in the world, not of it is found in John 17:14-16,18 (thanks, Chris ). It is something Christ lived while on earth. He was in this world, wearing culturally acceptable clothes, listening to culturally acceptable music, going to cultural events, hanging out with the culture, but instead of being of it, He changed it. He made waves, He brought redemption. Obviously, we cannot bring the same redemption He brought in the same way. However, we can present it to the world. We can show them why Christ is not just a prophet, He changes lives. He changed my life, He changed yours. And He can change the punk in school, the girlfriend who finds her identity in the football player who finds his identity in football. We cannot limit God. We cannot put Him in a box. Therefore, we cannot limit ourselves, we cannot put ourselves in a box.

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Often believers see Christianity as an experience to add on to normal life rather than something that is at the core of their existence. Understandably, those who give little, receive little when it comes to spiritual fulfillment.

I think I’ll leave this quote from You Are Not Your Own by Jason Perry by itself. It packs a whole lot of punch on its own.

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We make time for what we truly value. We build habits and routines around the things that really matter to us. This is an important principle to understand as we seek to build our lives around the gospel. Do you want a cross centered life?

A cross centered life is made up of cross centered days.

The 70-ish-page book by C.J. Mahaney, The Cross-Centered Life, was worth the short time it took to read it. This single quote tied it up nicely. It’s true, we make time for what is important to us. What do you have the most time for? Is it most important to you? Do you need to re-evaluate your priorities? I know I do.

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The cross is the blazing fire at which the flame of our love is kindled, but we have to get near enough to it for its sparks to fall on us.

John Stott is right. The closer I am to Christ in my walk (effected daily by my choices and attitude) the more I feel loved and the more I love others. Draw near to the cross. You will find someone you may have never met — the real you. It is almost guaranteed to be frightening, but it will change your life. Allow the saving grace of the cross to show you who you are and who Christ wants you to be. Allow your life to be bared, volunteer to be vulnerable. You can trust God with your heart. Or can’t you?

Life Lessons: If there are enough morons in the street, the cars will stop.

This is a lesson my good friend and cousin Jordan taught me. Little did she know that I’d learn to apply it in other areas of my life. So here’s to you, Jordan.

This really shows me the effect ‘crowds’ have on individuals. If there is, say, one person in the street, you might miss seeing them and hit them or think it’s not worth it to stop. (Even if you think it, you should never do it, by the way. ) But if there are 10, 20, 30… you might do more damage to your car than you think is worth it and you will definitely see them. The decision of the people in the street totally affects your decision to stop or go, if you indeed are in the habit of running over people.

It also reminds me of Christians. One will stand on the berm, one on the lines, one running back and forth sporadically, but all at different points in the road. They aren’t a stronghold, they’re morons. You might say, “But we have to agree in order to have a stronghold! The reason the group of 10, 20, 30 are there is because it’s some form of club; violinists, emos, construction workers…” And yes, I agree. We too must have everything in common. What is everything in your life? The fact that you wear only dresses (a commendable decision, for sure!), the fact that you wear jeans to church, the fact that you listen to only Christian music/hymns? What is most important to you? If you can’t get along with other Christians, I’d encourage you to look at your own life. (After all, you are the only person you can change.) Why can’t you get along with them? Are they too ‘liberal’? Too ‘conservative’? Is God at the center of your life? Then you have everything in common. You are both putting God and only God first. Of course, you cannot judge whether or not they are putting God first, but at least now you know that you are.

You should be able to serve God along any Christian. Maybe their personality will bug you, but that shouldn’t keep you from being open about possibly working together to further the ministry. I, a pants-wearer, rock-listener, working-woman, should be able to work alongside a dress-wearer, hymn-listener, stay-at-home-daughter. (I have no hard feelings against any of those decisions, only these are the decisions I have decided to make currently.) But my point is that our human differences should not draw us away from the everything we have in common –  a passion for Jesus Christ, to preach His resurrection, to love our neighbors as ourselves, and an undying love for Him and His Word.

A band of these Christians which hang onto the everything they have in common has a better shot at changing our culture than the individual sects that sneer at the other sects for being ‘too modern’, ‘too fuddy-duddy’, ‘boring’, ‘charismatic’… you get the idea.

Let us be the morons in the street that make those cars stop.

A Response to “Finding Mister Right”

Disclaimer: I do not wish to take issue with any of the topics Miss Jocelyn addressed in her blog. These are only some of my thoughts. Please do not take offense and if you wish to discuss this further, feel free to contact me.

I read this article a few weeks back and did enjoy it for the most part. However, my friendships with older girls have made me more sensitive to some issues than other teenage girls. So I decided to break it down some and explain each portion from my point of view.

When I posted my article on young ladies going to college I was surprised to see how many justified going, against their own personal beliefs, because they might meet Mister Right. Many replied with the fear and doubt of meeting a man if they didn’t put themselves out there. For me this was a foreign thought. I have always just had this trusting in the WORD that because my role as a woman was to be a helpmeet to a man, a mother of many, and a home-manager that He would bring the right man along in His own time. All I had to do was prepare and follow what the WORD told me.

First of all, nowhere in the Bible does it ever say that the role of all women is to be married and having babies. In fact, Paul says that if there is no need or desire to be married, you are better equipped to serve Christ. (Note: I believe the family is a ministry as well, and one that is just as important as the rest, only Paul says this because she doesn’t have to worry about serving her husband’s wishes and God’s.) Just because woman was created for man does not mean she depends on one for every need. She should depend on the Lord for her every need, married or not. (Well, other than the obvious things which require a husband. ) This is merely a myth of the patriarchal movement.

After I received all the responses about going to college to get your MRS degree I start pondering about it. I started wondering, questioning Yehovah about the matter. A sudden fear come over me and I had a twisted feeling in my stomach. The thought came to me, “yeah LORD  how am I going to meet him?“. After a few days of pondering on this I realized that I was taking the matter into my own hands and doubting the one who holds the whole world in His hands. I let satan use what I had wrote in encouragement to others against.

Despite the grammatical errors here, I agree with Jocelyn. She was right in leaning on Christ even when those opposed to her ideas attacked her. I am ashamed that some feel it is their duty to set others straight. She did the right thing by acknowledging the facts and moving on. Remember, one should never ever criticize another, except in doctrinal discussions in which it is welcome.

Because of others’ fears and doubts, in the fact that they are taking finding a husband into their own hands, I was too. I let my shield of faith fall, just a little, and Satan hit me with many flaming arrows. Arrows of fear of not finding Mister Right (which didn’t help my self-esteem). Arrows of distrust in Yehovah. Arrows of complete worry… Because I took my eyes off of Yeshua and His promise to women, to be fruitful and multiply. Just as Peter did in Matthew 14:29-31 I began to sink beneath the waves. He asked me “Such little trust! Why did you doubt?”.

I don’t appreciate the first sentence here. To assume that others are making choices based on fear and doubt is wrong. Perhaps they were only acknowledging that they may find their husbands at college and it is a good opportunity to get out and meet people. It doesn’t mean that they were deathly afraid of never getting married so they were going husband-hunting and their choice of pools was college. True, it may mean that for some, but don’t assume that. However, the rest of the paragraph is good. Never stop trusting, never allow doubting. No matter where you are, God will bring a husband if it is indeed in His perfect plan for you.

The days I spent doubting could have been used in prayer for myself to become the woman I was designed to be and for my future Mister Right.  Yesterday was gone, but what would I do with today, tomorrow, and everyday until it was time? Worry or trust? I had to make up my mind, bend at the knees, and pray. I had to stop and ask Yehovah to help me to put my faith and trust in Him. We are such fickle creatures, but He is always steady and true.

This is where the red flags went up. Again, she assumes that she will be married. Keep in mind, she is only 18. There may be a day when she is celebrating her 30th birthday as a single woman. What then? Is she not trusting enough? Or is she wasting her life by locking herself in her homemade castle, preparing to be Mrs. Right, rather than being the Christian she should be. It is my conviction that we are Christians before anything else. Before I prepare to be a wife and mother (which are conditional ‘occupations’), I prepare to be a Christian (an unconditional ‘occupation’). Maybe someday God will bring me a husband with whom I can further and better serve the Lord. Until then, I am using the singleness He gave me to do things I couldn’t do if I were married.

People put too much faith in themselves, in college, in the world. I don’t want to in the slightest. I need to stay away from negative people who do. I don’t want to allow myself to distrust Yehovah and take my life into my own hands. Instead I will continue to prepare to be a wife and mother, and read the Word to grow spiritually. I will do what I’m supposed to do, and let Yehovah do what He’s wills.

This is very commendable of Jocelyn. It seems to me though that she is putting a whole lot of trust in her system of finding a man and scorning the systems others are choosing.

I trust in Him. I know He loves me and He knows what’s best. He knows my desire to have a husband to love and cherish. He knows this is my design… He gave it to me. I don’t want to be in doubt that He will complete me. The first commandment to man was to be fruitful and multiply, stated in Genesis 1:28. Yehovah also promises that He has plans for us to prosper as He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11. He has hope and a future for us. Why do I need to worry?

Amen! But just as it isn’t every man’s design to be a husband, it is not every woman’s design to be a wife. I wonder, how does Jocelyn feel about Amy Carmichael who was never “fruitful and multiplied” but instead saved thousands of young Indian girls from an eternity of torment in Hell. It wasn’t in God’s design for Amy. He has plans for us as individuals.

As of right now I know plenty of Godly gentleman who are within five years of age. I don’t know what Yehovah may have in His plans for me, but it is quite silly to believe because you, at whatever age, right now don’t know any of whom you would marry. When I really thought about how many gentleman I know and have met… there were quite a lot. Only within the last two years did He make any kind of way for me or my sisters to find suitable gentlemen. Something I would have never foreseen. You think about it. How many gentlemen do you know? I’m not talking about martial candidates, just guys you know. How many guy-friends do they have? How many will it take for you to find your Mister Right? Just one. You might not meet him until just the right time. Think about it.

Quite honestly, I don’t spend my days thinking about it. It is not my job to find suitable gentlemen. It is not my job to determine whether or not they like me. It is not my job to determine whether or not I am ready for marriage. It is never my job to take this into my own hands!

As I’ve heard, many of you think the only way you’re going to meet anybody is by going to college? Well, I just had a lady email me this week. She found my blog, thought it was great, and decided to email. That could easily happen with a gentleman. In fact it has.

Again, what is the big deal with trying to prove you can find suitable gentlemen after insisting you must trust God to do it? (Plus, the term ‘gentleman’ begins to annoy, but that’s a personal pet peeve. )

I know many of you are involved in all sorts of activities, communities, and have plenty circles of friends. There are plenty of ways to meet suitable gentlemen. Off the top of my head you could meet someone at…..

forums
blogs
homeschool events
church
friend’s brother
friend’s brother’s friend
the grocery store
doing business work
conventions
homeschool Co-op
balls and dances

Some of these options would be considered highly inappropriate by some, such as forums, blogs, grocery stores, balls, and dances. But anyway, if you can find a guy at those places, what’s so wrong with maybe finding a man at college?

There are endless ways to meet people. Endless ways, and Yehovah will provide a way for you to meet Mister Right….in His own time and as long as you are following HIS path and NOT YOURS. Besides, when was the last time you heard of a girl meeting him at college? in real life? in the movies?

Um, you really want an answer? I just heard about it again last Monday. Jocelyn does not realize how real the idea of meeting a guy at college is. It happens all the time. It happens the same way people meet at homeschool events, grocery stores and conventions.

If you are worried about finding and meeting someone to marry, don’t be. Guys this goes for you too! I know many who just haven’t found their gem, but don’t loose heart! Don’t let satan use your fears and doubts as a stronghold over your life, your decisions, and your faith.

Amen and amen! This is about the most inspiring and amazing paragraph. I love it and I need it as a reminder sometimes. When I look at some of the men around me, I wonder who, what, when, where, why, and how? “Who will it be, what will be the circumstance, when will it happen, where will it take place, why will he come to me, and how will it fall together?” I can only find one answer: “The right one, the right circumstance, the right time, the right place, for the right reasons, and in the right way.” And as always, “right” means God-dictated. It could mean it could be an homeschool event next year, college five years from now, the missions field ten years from now, or tomorrow at the chiropractor office. All real possibilities, from a real God, to a real girl.

Despising Our Youth

I truly can see this topic from both sides. I know what it is like to be despised because of my youth. And I often do despise our youth. I admit it, it’s not a very nice thing to admit, but it’s the truth. Our youth may be the death of us, literally.

First of all, I’ll address being despised for my youth. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I’m miffed. Like, really miffed. (Yes, I did just use “like”, just like a teenager, like, totally, yeah, wasn’t that, like, whoa, totally awesome.) One Wednesday night, I visited a fundamental, conservative church with my best friends. We went to speak to the youth pastor about talking to the youth group about our Higher Ground 2009 conference. The dialogue went something like this:

Emilie: We wanted to see if you or we could speak to the youth group about a conference we’re holding.

YP: Okay, what church is this at?

Me & Emilie: New Life Church. (We often say things in unison.)

Me: *hands him a flyer*

Emilie: Check out the website, see if it’s something you’re interested in and let us know if we or you can talk to the youth group.

YP: *pause* Is this an invitation?

Emilie: Yes, but one of the things we’re pushing is individuals. If you want, the youth group can come as a youth group but we’re really looking at individuals.

YP: Okay, well, thank you, I’ll check it out. *chuckles*

Then we walked away as he chuckled. ‘Twas an odd experience. So in that sense, we’re despised for being different, for raising above the standards set before us.

Anyway it shouldn’t have surprised me judging by the teenagers I saw there. Sitting in the back row, with their arms crossed, in white skinny jeans and lime green belts, whispering to their friends, and running out of the building before the pastor could say “amen” in the closing prayer. Eventually, we too, made our ways outside and there they are, hanging on each other, giggling and walking around. This is their youth group? This is what we’re inviting? It is very hard not to judge, I discovered. I try to keep in mind that all of those kids are just like me, they just haven’t been trained like me. Another helpful thing to remember is maybe these kids are the ones who need a conference like our own the most.

Treat a teenager like an adult, he’ll quickly learn to act like an adult. Treat a teenager like, well, a teenager and he’ll act like a teenager. This is pretty self-explanatory, but to further elaborate, it seems like the YP treats teenagers like they shouldn’t hold conferences. So they don’t. He treats them like they don’t care about the church. So they don’t. He treats them like they won’t read their Bibles, so they don’t. You see what I’m saying? They don’t act that way because they’re rebellious little brats, they act that way because that’s what their YP expects. (And because, quite frankly, it’s just that much easier.)

Mind if I rant for a while? Our youth is so lukewarm, and not only because that’s what’s expected. We’re lukewarm because it’s natural. If we’re Christians we’re not natural men. This is the difference. Youth should take it upon themselves to change the world despite the expectations. So many live double lives; giving all the right answers to the right people, but still doing what it takes to fit in with the world. We should always, always live the same, as if Christ were standing among us, because He is.

These are really random thoughts. I’m not refining it (at least not as of yet) because I’m just ranting and getting my thoughts down.

By the way, what is the big deal with IFB churches refusing to associate with other denominations? It’s an odd concept for Christians to hold onto so firmly. If your congregation is so easily swayed to totally stop believing in Christ (after all, that’s the only important prerequisite) for attending an AG church, then something’s wrong, obviously. If you’re actually going to church, it’s important to know where you stand doctrinally, but for Bible studies, gatherings, conferences, etc., it’s probably actually beneficial to have several different denominations represented. I know it helps me to learn and grow in who I am in Christ.

Anyway, that’s my rant for the day. Thanks for reading!