A Response to “Finding Mister Right”

Disclaimer: I do not wish to take issue with any of the topics Miss Jocelyn addressed in her blog. These are only some of my thoughts. Please do not take offense and if you wish to discuss this further, feel free to contact me. 🙂

I read this article a few weeks back and did enjoy it for the most part. However, my friendships with older girls have made me more sensitive to some issues than other teenage girls. So I decided to break it down some and explain each portion from my point of view.

When I posted my article on young ladies going to college I was surprised to see how many justified going, against their own personal beliefs, because they might meet Mister Right. Many replied with the fear and doubt of meeting a man if they didn’t put themselves out there. For me this was a foreign thought. I have always just had this trusting in the WORD that because my role as a woman was to be a helpmeet to a man, a mother of many, and a home-manager that He would bring the right man along in His own time. All I had to do was prepare and follow what the WORD told me.

First of all, nowhere in the Bible does it ever say that the role of all women is to be married and having babies. In fact, Paul says that if there is no need or desire to be married, you are better equipped to serve Christ. (Note: I believe the family is a ministry as well, and one that is just as important as the rest, only Paul says this because she doesn’t have to worry about serving her husband’s wishes and God’s.) Just because woman was created for man does not mean she depends on one for every need. She should depend on the Lord for her every need, married or not. (Well, other than the obvious things which require a husband. ;)) This is merely a myth of the patriarchal movement.

After I received all the responses about going to college to get your MRS degree I start pondering about it. I started wondering, questioning Yehovah about the matter. A sudden fear come over me and I had a twisted feeling in my stomach. The thought came to me, “yeah LORD  how am I going to meet him?“. After a few days of pondering on this I realized that I was taking the matter into my own hands and doubting the one who holds the whole world in His hands. I let satan use what I had wrote in encouragement to others against.

Despite the grammatical errors here, I agree with Jocelyn. She was right in leaning on Christ even when those opposed to her ideas attacked her. I am ashamed that some feel it is their duty to set others straight. She did the right thing by acknowledging the facts and moving on. Remember, one should never ever criticize another, except in doctrinal discussions in which it is welcome.

Because of others’ fears and doubts, in the fact that they are taking finding a husband into their own hands, I was too. I let my shield of faith fall, just a little, and Satan hit me with many flaming arrows. Arrows of fear of not finding Mister Right (which didn’t help my self-esteem). Arrows of distrust in Yehovah. Arrows of complete worry… Because I took my eyes off of Yeshua and His promise to women, to be fruitful and multiply. Just as Peter did in Matthew 14:29-31 I began to sink beneath the waves. He asked me “Such little trust! Why did you doubt?”.

I don’t appreciate the first sentence here. To assume that others are making choices based on fear and doubt is wrong. Perhaps they were only acknowledging that they may find their husbands at college and it is a good opportunity to get out and meet people. It doesn’t mean that they were deathly afraid of never getting married so they were going husband-hunting and their choice of pools was college. True, it may mean that for some, but don’t assume that. However, the rest of the paragraph is good. Never stop trusting, never allow doubting. No matter where you are, God will bring a husband if it is indeed in His perfect plan for you.
The days I spent doubting could have been used in prayer for myself to become the woman I was designed to be and for my future Mister Right.  Yesterday was gone, but what would I do with today, tomorrow, and everyday until it was time? Worry or trust? I had to make up my mind, bend at the knees, and pray. I had to stop and ask Yehovah to help me to put my faith and trust in Him. We are such fickle creatures, but He is always steady and true.
This is where the red flags went up. Again, she assumes that she will be married. Keep in mind, she is only 18. There may be a day when she is celebrating her 30th birthday as a single woman. What then? Is she not trusting enough? Or is she wasting her life by locking herself in her homemade castle, preparing to be Mrs. Right, rather than being the Christian she should be. It is my conviction that we are Christians before anything else. Before I prepare to be a wife and mother (which are conditional ‘occupations’), I prepare to be a Christian (an unconditional ‘occupation’). Maybe someday God will bring me a husband with whom I can further and better serve the Lord. Until then, I am using the singleness He gave me to do things I couldn’t do if I were married.
People put too much faith in themselves, in college, in the world. I don’t want to in the slightest. I need to stay away from negative people who do. I don’t want to allow myself to distrust Yehovah and take my life into my own hands. Instead I will continue to prepare to be a wife and mother, and read the Word to grow spiritually. I will do what I’m supposed to do, and let Yehovah do what He’s wills.
This is very commendable of Jocelyn. 🙂 It seems to me though that she is putting a whole lot of trust in her system of finding a man and scorning the systems others are choosing.
I trust in Him. I know He loves me and He knows what’s best. He knows my desire to have a husband to love and cherish. He knows this is my design… He gave it to me. I don’t want to be in doubt that He will complete me. The first commandment to man was to be fruitful and multiply, stated in Genesis 1:28. Yehovah also promises that He has plans for us to prosper as He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11. He has hope and a future for us. Why do I need to worry?
Amen! But just as it isn’t every man’s design to be a husband, it is not every woman’s design to be a wife. I wonder, how does Jocelyn feel about Amy Carmichael who was never “fruitful and multiplied” but instead saved thousands of young Indian girls from an eternity of torment in Hell. It wasn’t in God’s design for Amy. He has plans for us as individuals.
As of right now I know plenty of Godly gentleman who are within five years of age. I don’t know what Yehovah may have in His plans for me, but it is quite silly to believe because you, at whatever age, right now don’t know any of whom you would marry. When I really thought about how many gentleman I know and have met… there were quite a lot. Only within the last two years did He make any kind of way for me or my sisters to find suitable gentlemen. Something I would have never foreseen. You think about it. How many gentlemen do you know? I’m not talking about martial candidates, just guys you know. How many guy-friends do they have? How many will it take for you to find your Mister Right? Just one. You might not meet him until just the right time. Think about it.
Quite honestly, I don’t spend my days thinking about it. It is not my job to find suitable gentlemen. It is not my job to determine whether or not they like me. It is not my job to determine whether or not I am ready for marriage. It is never my job to take this into my own hands!
As I’ve heard, many of you think the only way you’re going to meet anybody is by going to college? Well, I just had a lady email me this week. She found my blog, thought it was great, and decided to email. That could easily happen with a gentleman. In fact it has.
Again, what is the big deal with trying to prove you can find suitable gentlemen after insisting you must trust God to do it? (Plus, the term ‘gentleman’ begins to annoy, but that’s a personal pet peeve. ;))

I know many of you are involved in all sorts of activities, communities, and have plenty circles of friends. There are plenty of ways to meet suitable gentlemen. Off the top of my head you could meet someone at…..

forums
blogs
homeschool events
church
friend’s brother
friend’s brother’s friend
the grocery store
doing business work
conventions
homeschool Co-op
balls and dances

Some of these options would be considered highly inappropriate by some, such as forums, blogs, grocery stores, balls, and dances. But anyway, if you can find a guy at those places, what’s so wrong with maybe finding a man at college?

There are endless ways to meet people. Endless ways, and Yehovah will provide a way for you to meet Mister Right….in His own time and as long as you are following HIS path and NOT YOURS. Besides, when was the last time you heard of a girl meeting him at college? in real life? in the movies?

Um, you really want an answer? I just heard about it again last Monday. Jocelyn does not realize how real the idea of meeting a guy at college is. It happens all the time. It happens the same way people meet at homeschool events, grocery stores and conventions.

If you are worried about finding and meeting someone to marry, don’t be. Guys this goes for you too! I know many who just haven’t found their gem, but don’t loose heart! Don’t let satan use your fears and doubts as a stronghold over your life, your decisions, and your faith.

Amen and amen! This is about the most inspiring and amazing paragraph. I love it and I need it as a reminder sometimes. When I look at some of the men around me, I wonder who, what, when, where, why, and how? “Who will it be, what will be the circumstance, when will it happen, where will it take place, why will he come to me, and how will it fall together?” I can only find one answer: “The right one, the right circumstance, the right time, the right place, for the right reasons, and in the right way.” And as always, “right” means God-dictated. It could mean it could be an homeschool event next year, college five years from now, the missions field ten years from now, or tomorrow at the chiropractor office. All real possibilities, from a real God, to a real girl.

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~ by neverxxforsaken on August 24, 2009.

3 Responses to “A Response to “Finding Mister Right””

  1. I didn’t know if you preferred an email or a comment because you said “contact me” so I hope this is ok. 🙂 please excuse, yes, the grammatical errors.

    Firstly I really don’t understand why believers think they need to be sarcastic when writing or speaking on something they disagree on, which I’ve seen a lot. It really saddens my heart because it shows an immature and unloving spirit. On that note, I hope what I write will be received in the way it was intended.

    First of all, nowhere in the Bible does it ever say that the role of all women is to be married and having babies. In fact, Paul says that if there is no need or desire to be married, you are better equipped to serve Christ.

    In Genesis, the beginning, the WORD tells us woman was created to be a helpmeet (ie: wife). We are also told to be fruitful and multiply (ie: men + woman = children). From the very beginning God created the woman to be a wife and a mother. All through the WORD we are encouraged through commands and examples to love our husbands, love our children, and be good home-managers.

    I don’t appreciate the first sentence here. To assume that others are making choices based on fear and doubt is wrong.

    I was not saying this as a general statement or assuming anything. My friends who commented on the previous article did have fears and doubts. They said so.

    This is where the red flags went up. Again, she assumes that she will be married. Keep in mind, she is only 18. There may be a day when she is celebrating her 30th birthday as a single woman. What then? Is she not trusting enough? Or is she wasting her life by locking herself in her homemade castle, preparing to be Mrs. Right, rather than being the Christian she should be.

    Why is it wrong for me to prepare to complete my [scriptural] created design? Why is this kind of mindset so foreign to believers? I know that some (many) will not marry for a number of reasons, including it not being in His will for them, both men and women, but as I said on another post “Whether or not it is the LORD’s will for you to remain unmarried continue living your life in the promises and direction of the WORD. Don’t let anyone discourage you from that with negative lies from satan. Keep your eyes focused on Yeshua [Jesus] and hold tight to Him. He won’t mislead you or let you go down the wrong path.” That is the bottom line for me about the whole marriage issue. If you’re trusting in His WORD, his promises, then no matter what that path is you will be ok with it. If I’m still unmarried at 30 I will still be praying and believing for His best in my life. Kinda ridiculous I even have to worrying about getting married or not at 18, isn’t? I didn’t even bring up the subject… those who had “fears and doubts” did. Have I really considered this question of remaining unmarried – yep. Am I ok with it? yes.

    I wonder, how does Jocelyn feel about Amy Carmichael who was never “fruitful and multiplied” but instead saved thousands of young Indian girls from an eternity of torment in Hell. It wasn’t in God’s design for Amy.

    How do I feel? I feel that through anything, good or bad, He can bring everything pointing back to His glory because in the palm of His hands does the earth sit.

    Again, what is the big deal with trying to prove you can find suitable gentlemen after insisting you must trust God to do it? (Plus, the term ‘gentleman’ begins to annoy, but that’s a personal pet peeve.)

    You’re emphasizing on the wrong “deal”. The deal wasn’t “you can”, but how He can, other than college or any place you think you should go to find what you want in the area He is supposed to be directing.

    But anyway, if you can find a guy at those places, what’s so wrong with maybe finding a man at college?

    Going to the grocery store is not a 1, 2, 3, etc year commitment, neither is blogging or going to a dance, and most likely by going to either for any amount of time won’t do as much damage to your worldview as college (even christian).

    Jocelyn does not realize how real the idea of meeting a guy at college is.

    A friend (already married) told me just last week about how she met her husband – at college. Do I think it’s impossible or something unheard of or doesn’t happen all the time? No, I assure it is not. hehe of course I suppose that depends on how many of your friends believe in going to college at all.

    In the end I think we pretty much agree on the same thing, and that is most important. Again, I hope this comment was received as it was intended, and know i have no hard or spiteful feelings towards you or your beliefs. Not the way I like to find blogs but nice to meet you, and blessings!

  2. oopp one of those

    has an S on the end!

  3. Enjoyable.
    I agree it is not my job to find “suitable gentlemen”.

    “For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry.” 😉 😛

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